This is Contentment

May 1st; labour day in Hong Kong
and I’ve enjoyed my unexpected
Friday feeling – after so long
writing about misery, finally
a day where I have felt completely and happily myself
and I never thought
that blooming, bursting wave of contentment would course through me
on a mountain, no
though nevermind the mosquitos that
stayed pressed to me like lovers or those moments where I
stopped dead, sphincter clenched and looked up to see
red-arsed and snarling male monkeys eyeballing me, no
nevermind
the sweat
pure sweat, my pound of flesh that
dripped into my eyes and blurred
the green and orange, rocky world
of hiking; mumbling
into hot and dead, still, grey, pre-storm air and stumbling over roots
and ants and other walkers’ well-worn
lonely paths and up and up-
I had to stop, more than once
but there was nobody there to pat my back and say, behind their smiles
“it’s okay: you fucked up”, thank god There was just me and my mundanities, blithely listing alphabetically the countries of the world
-no w’s, I noticed then and up and up
until I ached and ached
passing each
mad and like-minded, neon-swaddled
runner pausing, like swooping
hawks they raised hands in salutes that knew and nodded and shared our
heated drive to be alone
pretending now to seek ourselves and
liking what we found up there;
God, I was happy
even when I checked my bites and blisters and bowed, weary and battered
on the heaving rush hour bus back home I felt some tiny, tribal part of me celebrate and I thought
this is it:
this is why you haven’t
given up just yet.

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About fiercemissc

Twenty-something Geordie girl living and working in Hong Kong. Young, free and single and making the most of it.
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